Today has been a tough day. I know it’s been less than 2 weeks, but is it just too much to ask for all this pain, anger and tears to be over? Has anyone any idea how long this goes on. Surely I’ll run out tears soon…and snot, in fact I cried so hard earlier I even farted, I actually farted because I was so upset! Unbelievable and humiliating at the same time, though I’m not helping myself by blogging about it!
So my next step, besides finding some ‘manning-up’ pills, is finding somewhere to live. Well you’d think that would be easy, but with 2 adult kids and 2 canine members of the family, means I’ve already made it nigh on impossible. However, I have taken a look round several properties, and to be honest, I had to wipe my feet leaving one of them. I needed breathing apparatus for another and wet weather gear a further one. With the price of rentals, the very least I’d expect would be to look around a clean house that didn’t appear to be part a crime scene.
Why doesn’t life just stop while crap happens, why doesn’t it just give you a break, a little cuddle or even just some time to gather yourself. Just so that there’s no pressure to rush through all the emotional states that go hand in hand with a break-up. No rush to get back to work, no rush to leave my bed (let alone my house), no rush to speak to anyone, no rush to have a shower, or even brush my teeth, no rush, just simply no rush. But who wants to be stuck in a state I guess? I get that you need to put the brakes on in life occasionally, but getting on with life, as hard as it is, maybe the best way.
My understanding of life is that it deals you a bad hand from time to time, some worse than others and some more often than others, then it gives you the coping mechanisms to deal with the journey you need to go through to reach the end and be happy. So you need to draw energy from all the good in your life to make it through the bad times. I didn’t even read that anywhere, I just literally thought it and wrote it. It makes me sound intelligent I believe, or at the very least somebody who thinks about the meaning of life! But honestly I don’t, and as much as I think I know, none of it helps. I still have to go through the same emotional states that everyone else goes through, spending round about the same length of time in each state as everyone else and it doesn’t give me a ‘get out of jail free’ card to jump a state.